How many of you have jumped on board with the whole de-hoarding of your home train?  Right here!  Yup that’s me, now throw your hands in the air, wave em’ like you jus’ don’t care.  C’mon, I know you were singing along with me in your best Run D.M.C. impersonation.  Now put your hands back down before you knock something over.  I just vacuumed for the 2^nd time today.  Marie Kondo has an excellent system of de-cluttering.  I just need to figure out how to keep little “helpful” hands, from moving things out of my piles.  I have so many piles in my home right now ya’ll.  There is the trash pile, give away to a friend pile, donate pile and I’m not sure what to do with this globe I like that sports countries that don’t even exist anymore pile.  Hello U.S.S.R.! This chaos all started when I discovered that I owned 5 9×13 pans.  Does that make me an excellent Methodist or what? I’m ready for that pot luck in a moment’s notice.  But I had to ask myself, does having 5 9×13 pans bring me joy?  No, it’s stressed me the hell out. 

So basically my home has looked like a state of emergency, as I go through every cabinet, closet, etc.., for a couple weeks now.  It reached it maximum messy point this past Friday night.  After getting home from an awesome dinner with friends and surviving a nighty night battle, worthy of an Oscar nomination from our children, we were just done. My house can be messy, but my kitchen is always immaculate. I CANNOT stand a dirty kitchen.  Well Friday night I sure did.  I had a dishwasher waiting to be unloaded.  Dirty dishes galore on my island.  Shoes, socks, jackets, toys, diaper bags, purse….. Screw it, we made a cocktail and watched Jurassic World. The next morning I awake to my four year old gasping at my side with delight.  “Mommy! You won’t believe this!” squealed O.  Feeling completely disoriented I reach for my glasses.  “What’s going on?” I ask in a yawn.  “Someone was in our house!”  O shrieked.  “WHAT?” I ask in a more alert state.  “Come let me show you!” O said as she handed me my robe and pulled me by the hand. 

I speed walk out into the living room ready to drop kick the asshole who broke in, ya know, because I’m getting so strong from Jazzercise and all.  There were toys, pillows, blankets galore.  Okay looks the same.  Kitchen … disaster, okay.  Dining room table is under there somewhere, okay.  My piles looked undisturbed, okay.  Yup looks how I left it.  Front, back and garage door all locked.  “This place is a pit mom!” yelled Olive as she spun in circle. “Gee thanks.” I say sarcastically and defensively at the same time.  You try to keep a house clean with three Gremlins hopped up on popsicles, I think to myself.  “I know who did this!” O exclaimed.  “You?” I ask.  “No silly, it was the leprechaun! He must have come early!  He is very mischievous and wrecked our house.  I can’t believe it!  Can we call my teachers at school and tell them?” asked O with wide sparkling brown eyes.

I love how O thinks that her teachers are always at school.  Like they live there and just wait for her to show back up.  Come to think of it, before spring break, her teachers had a naughty leprechaun come into their class room and wreak havoc making a huge mess while they were away at recess.  Of course this made sense to her. “Yeah, you’re right.  I bet it was that naughty leprechaun!” I said.   “I guess we better clean this up.”   “Na, I’m going to go look for him.  Good luck with that mom!” she said as she skipped away.  I didn’t have the energy to argue with her at that moment.  Oh don’t you worry I made her help later.  That is after she found lose change on the floor and was certain the leprechaun left her treasure.   And after, she had to call my in-laws and parents and tell them how she is living in filth and squalor that was certainly created by this tiny green man. Insert face palm.  I swear your grandchildren are safe! Well the tiny green trouble maker has left us alone, for now anyways.  I got the first floor of my home done.  Now onto the second.  I’m gonna need more coffee.. or Guinness.