The kid’s bedtime.  You either love it or hate it.  Love may be too strong of a word.  Lets’ try this, you either don’t mind it or you hate it.  My husband hates it.  I don’t mind it. So it works for us.  But I think most parents can agree that they look forward to the after bedtime part.  However, our kids like to make this an event.  I would compare it to the circus, but not in the ohh this is so much fun kind of way.  More like the ohh this is bright shiny chaos kind of way.  I mean seriously,  the expectations/list is simple: Put on your pajamas. Put your water by your bed.  Brush your teeth.  Go potty. Get into bed. And if that goes smoothly and we have time, we can read a book before prayers.  We even start this routine like an hour before bed and somehow they eat up that entire hour with these “simple” tasks. We also have a family dance party before bedtime, to get them tired.  It totally works, but the moment we say “Alright it’s time for bed lets get upstairs!” This is what our kids hear:

“Alright it’s time for bed, let’s get upstairs! However, I need you to not be able to see your filled water cup by the stairs.  So I need you to automatically panic and search the entire first floor of the house for said cup. Running by the cup, while blocking out everything we say to you so finding your cup, that is in the exact same spot every night, is incredibly frustrating for you.  When you finally find it, you will realize it is way too heavy for you to carry up the stairs with all 32 of your favorite stuffed animals.  And those stairs that we told you to go up 15 minutes ago are more than likely covered in molasses or some slow motion charm, so that it makes it near impossible for you to get up the stairs at a reasonable speed. You may need to sit down and block your sibling’s path so you can argue about who is going first. Congratulations, you’ve finally made it up the stairs! 

Now it’s time to put on your pajamas.  Please grab your siblings’ pajamas that are entirely too small for you and get stuck in them and then proceed to run around the living room screaming until we come to peel them off of you.  Accuse us of shrinking your clothes. And remember, don’t put your cups by your bed yet.  Please leave them by the top of the stairs so they can roll back down or become invisible again.  Now brush your teeth.  Please smear some toothpaste in your hair and on the mirror.  Mommy loves that. She loves cleaning bathrooms especially.  And don’t brush your teeth per se.  Just chew on the bristles really hard and suck all the toothpaste off, meanwhile running the water from the faucet the entire time. Don’t forget to stir the spittel and water in the sink thoroughly with your toothbrush! 

 Now please go potty.  Please just go potty or dance around in front of the toilet blocking your sibling who really has to go.  Scream as loud as you can until they move. That’s so fun. Now sit on the potty for 20 minutes and make up a song.  Then use about 30 or so squares of toilet paper, just enough to scare mommy and daddy, that you might clog the toilet.  Don’t’ flush.  Wash hands with just cold water and wipe your wet hands on your pajamas and then please complain that your pj’s are wet.  

Now the real fun part begins.  Please choose which bedroom and bed would please you most to sleep in.  Then please argue amongst yourselves about it for a while. We understand sleeping in the same place is not for you and it keeps mommy and daddy on their toes not knowing where anyone is consistently. Now that is settled, run and dive into your bed.  Please jump on the bed like a deranged kangaroo and nearly miss knocking your teeth out on the headboard.  Please arrange all 32 of your favorite stuffies around to protect you.  Then panic when your favorite lovie is missing.  Yes it may change daily, how silly of us not to keep track of it.  Lets go search the entire house until we find it in the refrigerator.  See that was fun. Okay time to turn on the nightlight!  Please tell me how much light you need and then change your mind a few times, until it suits you.  Of course, please demand a book! Then act completely surprised and disappointed that we don’t have time to read a book. Tell us how rude that is, repeatedly. Now hide under all the covers in your bed. Say your prayers under there.  Don’t surface for hugs and kisses.  Then please scream at us when we leav,e that you don’t have your water!  Then act shocked when we ask you where it is.  Then repeat this every night until we die.”

Okay it may not always be this bad… or is it? If this season in your life sounds familiar, remember you are not alone.  If you’ve made it out of this season alive, you are my hero.  If this isn’t even on your radar… you’ve been warned.