Tonight I made one of my favorite dishes growing up, saucy porkchops.  Which also happens to be my oldest daughters favorite now too.  However, trying to get everyone to sit down and eat the same meal together isn’t realistic.  Because why would all of my children want to agree on something to eat?  That is crazy talk! I’d have better luck finding my favorite movie in the $5 bin at Walmart. 

My youngest is the pickiest eater I have ever met.  So we let her eat before us and then sent her upstairs to watch her favorite movie, while we all enjoyed a peaceful dinner with less screaming.  Notice I said less.  After a nice, quite dinner I volunteered to do the dishes so my husband could play games with the girls.  Things were a little too quite upstairs though, so we asked O to run up to check on C before we started the games.  Little did I know we were all about to play a super fun game, that was uncomfortably close to Jumanji. 

O comes sprinting down the steps faster than a shoplifter with a giant pile of jeans.  Her expression is a mix of horror and glee, but mostly horror. I mean come on we all have smiled a bit knowing our sibling was about to get it. And being the one to deliver the news to mom and dad is pretty great.

 “Mommy!” she said in a panic.  “Mommy, it’s everywhere! The water is on, mommy hurry, help!”.

I dropped my dinner plate and sprinted up the stairs.  (I can do that now, thanks Jazzercise) With a scene that looked comparable to G.I. Jane (except I’m not nearly as cool as Demi and it didn’t look anything like G.I Jane), I was jumping over toys and a side stepping around books, kicking Barbies out of the way, until I reached the bathroom doorway and found myself looking at an unbelievable scene. 

There she was.  Happily sitting in the sink with the spouts on full blast.  Kind of looked like the second floor girls lavatory at Hogwarts, except Moaning Myrtle wasn’t doing the flooding this time.  It was my soon to be 2 year old. 

“C!!” I yelped.  I stepped into the bathroom, water completely covering the tops of my feet as I turned off the faucets. I picked up my sopping wet toddler out of the flooded sink and sat her down into our new “baby pool”, that was about a half hour ago, just my bathroom floor.  She smiled and said “You Ok?”

 “NO! No I’m not okay!” I yelled.  “R!!! Help me, get up here.. like now!”

As I’m standing in my brand new aquatics center, regretting my nice quite dinner, I smell it.  Ugh it’s poop again.  Why is it always poop? I look down at the sink and there are nice little nuggets floating cheerfully in the water. Talk about a log ride. They were cascading down the sides of my sink onto the floor as well.   I look at C and she smiles.  It’s a damn good thing you are 1 and you are cute.  My poor husband gets to the bathroom door and looks exasperated and horrified.  I’m so angry, I can’t even process what’s happening.  1. She could’ve gotten seriously hurt and 2. My brand new @#$%^&* house!!

I hand him over the baby as he hands me a giant pile of towels.  About 14 Frozen and Paw Patrol beach towels later I had successfully mopped up all the water and poop from the floor, sink and in the cabinets. Now to disinfect everything and start another huge ass pile of laundry.  I guess I had been meaning to clean my floor boards anyway, so I can check that off my list now.

As I’m finishing up scrubbing the last piece of floor I feel this little hand on my shoulder?  It was C.  Smiling at me with that ridiculously cute smile, holding a plate with a fake cup cake on it.  “You mommy!” I take the cake and the hug that came with it.  After she leaves the bathroom I hear yet again another shriek and a crash coming from down stairs.  So naturally I closed the door and ignored them. 

R comes up later, I couldn’t even ask him what the last scream was about because he looked like he was about to scream as well.  C’s little Niagara Falls fiasco had leaked into the ceiling of the garage, directly on the garage door opener, to the top of my car and down and out into the driveway. 

Long story short we tucked the girls into bed super early and had a stiff drink or two.  I can’t remember. I may have also called my mother and told her I quit.  She is coming down now in a month. Halleluiah!

This morning as I was leaving the house trying not to remember the happenings of the previous night, my garage door opener wouldn’t work.  SOB!!!! It all came flooding back.  (See what I did there).  Luckily the app on my phone worked to shut the door.  Now if only there was an app to control my kids.