I initially wrote this story for my four-year-old a while back.  After her sisters have arrived, I’ve found the content to remain just as true today. These past four years have been hard, sticky and amazing.  As other people would say, I’m in the thick of it.  Even though they give me anxiety attacks, I wouldn’t have done anything differently. 

Personally, I’m grateful I had my kids in my 30’s.  My 20’s were so fun living with my girlfriends, dating the wrong guys and traveling all over the place.  However, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t envious of a younger mama’s energy level and stamina. 

I had my children close together, almost two years between the oldest and middle and less than a year and a half between the latter. This can be extremely challenging at times, but again I wouldn’t have it any other way. I always find it odd when people react to the closeness.  “Are they twins?”  “No they are not actually!” Then comes the judgmental facial expressions saying you know what causes this right… In my head I kindly respond “Sorry Linda let me go back in time and ensure there’s more of a gap to please you.”  Anyway, they play and fight so well together it warms my heart. 

So for any of you in similar situations, feeling the stresses of motherhood pounding you into the ground.  Here is to you mama!  I see you! You are doing a great job!  Hang in there!  This isn’t easy.  Whether you are young or of “advanced maternal age”, have 1 kid or 6, we are all in this together. It takes a village, patience, a little wine and a lot of prayer. We are in the thick of it but we will power through! 

To My Dearest Toddler with Love,

My beautiful daughter, I have decided today was a day worth reliving with you.  I am very excited about this.  We are going to have the most exciting adventure. In 30 years, I’m going to come stay with you.  Exciting, I know.  I haven’t decided if I will bring your father with me on this adventure. I may take this one solo, however it would be a blast to do this with him. 

I will promptly arrive for dinner via Uber or whatever a popular shuttling service for the elderly we have then.  I will greet you with a great big hug and then ignore you completely and sit in your living room watching TV.  You will tell me multiple times that dinner is ready.  I will continue to ignore you until you have to come in and turn off the TV. Then I will be shocked and excited that dinner is ready.  I will find my seat and not like it.  I will make you switch places with me and take your fork and give you mine because I know yours has to be better.  After a fun game of musical chairs, you will find that I am grossly disgusted at what you’ve cooked, refuse to eat it and beg you for cheese.  Then I will proceed to give the cheese to your dog and ask for a cookie.  What’s that, you don’t have any cookies?   Whip some up NOW! This tantrum isn’t going anywhere any time fast so you may as well cave and make it happen. 

When you are only half way through dinner, I will inform you that I have to use the potty.  However, I need you to sit by me on the floor and read books while I try to poop.  You will likely lose your appetite, but I don’t mind, dinner was gross anyway. No reason to worry, I will enjoy your company.  

As you try to clean the kitchen I will demand that it’s time to take a bubble bath.  As you kindly draw my bubble bath, I harass you from behind declaring you will not turn off the faucet.  I require the water up to the top of the tub. I will splash around like a deranged sea otter for about a half hour until my water is ice cold.  I will attempt to convince you that I’m fine and it’s warm whilst realizing that I have to use the potty yet again and leave your toilet seat soaking wet as well as your toilet paper roll. This will be an incredibly fun surprise for you in the middle of the night.  The walls and floor will be covered in water as well.  I will do everything in my power to miss all the towels that you have carefully placed all over the floor. 

After a bath I would like to squirt out half a tube of toothpaste and argue with you that it’s not enough. Once I have my desired amount, I will turn on the faucet and rinse it off completely because your toothpaste is too spicy. I will then decide I don’t want to brush my teeth at all.  Next I will proceed to run around naked through your house while you try to put pajamas on me. This will be quite a show for your neighbors.  Fair warning, you may want to shut the curtains beforehand.  Good luck! Once dressed and ready for bed I will be hungry again.  Do you have any more of that cheese?  Or cookies would be okay. 

Once you’ve explained why we eat all our food at dinner and shouldn’t eat at bed time, I will firmly hand you a stack of 25 books I’ve carefully picked out for you to read me. Don’t you dare skip pages! I will know. 

Tuck me in, say my prayers and turn off the light.  Then I will call for you because I have turned into a dehydrated philosopher.  I need water and as you arrive with my refreshment, I will ask you all sorts of questions to delay my actual bedtime and preventing you from accomplishing anything for the evening. Oh and by the way, I need a new pillow, this one is weird.  The one you have on your bed will do just fine. And can you please take that picture off the wall, they are looking at me.

About 2 a.m. I will crawl in bed with you, but you should know I like to sleep sideways with my feet in your face.  It makes me feel closer to you.  At about 6 a.m. (if you are lucky) I will wake you up demanding more cheese and the use of your phone so I can watch the Wiggles and blast their charming music in your ear until you get up to get me that cheese we talked about earlier.  After my breakfast, you will likely look like someone the government interrogated for 72 hours straight and will be ready for me to go back to my house.  So I will happily sit in the back seat of your car singing at the top of my lungs and kicking your seat as hard as I can. As you try to keep your cool and ask me repeatedly to stop.  I may scream and cry for no reason at all, from time to time.  When we get to my house I will give you with the biggest smile, warmest hug and sweetest kiss and you will forget all the misery I put you through.  Because that is what we do. 

I know that I will miss these moments someday, but I find comfort knowing you will have to go through this as well. I’m reminded of this when I call my Mom, tell her the adventures of the day and on the other end of the phone all I hear is laughter. “That sounds about right!”

So dear daughter of mine, please remember I will always love you and be here for you.  Love you kiddo!